I am writing about something that has been puzzling me before I became a Christian and sometimes even after I became a Christian.

“It is alright, everyone needs a break, you had a bleeding in the brain and such a major brain surgery, you have the right to rest. God will provide.”

I am very sure people mean well when they say that.

Even when I was an unbeliever, I believe in ‘what we reap is what we sow’ and hard work is inevitable if we desire something better in life for ourselves and our family. When I heard the phrase “God will provide” as a non-Christian, I always find it a ‘funny logic’.  Funny because I cannot imagine gold will drop from the sky while lazy people professing faith that doing nothing can birth something.

Now, hearing it as a Christian, having all the faith in God, I still find it a funny logic sometimes, in some situations.

“Am I questioning my own faith in God?” I thought to myself when I was a very young Christian. Do I have to let go of my principle of ‘paying the price’ as it seems ‘contradicting’ to “God will provide”??

Now, I know I have a very valid reason to tell my family members that I can’t work anymore. Of course, I also have the faith that God will provide for me in God’s special way even if I choose not to do anything in my life.

But I know God did not heal me so completely to do nothing. I have faith that God provided me the complete healing and now I must act out the faith of the complete healing by diligently doing things that God wants me to do.

I have a very strange way to motivate myself to get up and go for the goals again. I will lay down on my bed and take my mind back to the time when the bleeding in my brain took place. I would remember the struggle, the excruciating pain, the loss of vision, the nausea and vomiting, the journey to the hospital, the adrenalin filled conversation about death with YW, the cry to God, the test in the hospital, the meeting with the family and the doctors, the journey to the operating theatre, the last conversation before I slept for the 9-hour surgery and the night with God in the critical care unit. I remember it all very vividly. Until today, I am still in awe that the healing is so complete. “Did I really go through that whole thing?”

I always thought to myself, if I could go through that with God and came out victoriously, I can accomplish anything as long as God is in it with me. God taught me so powerfully about having faith in Him and living out my faith through this life lesson.

I learn that having faith and taking action in faith have to happen together. I may have faith that God can heal anything if He is willing but I still won’t go for the brain surgery. Now that I think back, the brain surgery is an opportunity for me to exercise my faith. (Well, it is just that this ‘opportunity’ didn’t come with many other choices. the surgery was the best choice for me(!!).)

I have met many that told me, “Why do you have to work? You are someone who went through such major surgery and you still want to travel and build your own business? You should just rest. God will provide, have faith.”

“God will provide OR this is a good ‘reason’ to be lazy and to justify my actions within my comfort zone?”

“Hmm… Am I not exercising my faith that I have been completely healed and that God has greater purpose for me to accomplish?”  

I believe God will provide. God IS our provider. God will provide opportunity for us as what our faith believe He will. But I also believe I have to take actions to act out my faith.

After the surgery, there were still some post surgery complications that I had to go through. Well, imagine a skull being drilled opened and then screwed back on. Another complication was the contamination of my spinal fluid that caused difficulties in my movements. I had to be assisted to everywhere I need to go. Hence, most of the time, I stayed indoor. It is only logical that the body needs time for healing even though God has done the very major part of it and that I am already alive.

In accordance with my faith that God will provide, God provided all the necessary people to help me. I had a wonderful family that took excellent care of me. My husband, my parents and parents-in-law, my siblings, played different roles in my road to recovery. Some cooked, some held me everywhere I go, some arranged entertainment for me, some arranged for massage sessions, some helped me with their own version of physiotherapy to ease my movements and some just be by my side. God provided all that I needed to recover.

BUT I still need to take actions on my faith that I will be healed completely. First, I need to get out from my bed and start walking even though it is difficult and even painful for me to walk. Or I can just lay on my bed everyday and still profess that I believe God will heal me of my movement difficulties?? Or I can also say that I have faith that God will provide for me while I do nothing about my recovery. God being God, He will provide but I may just miss out the greater purpose that He has for me.

“What do You want me to do if You don’t want me to work in the corporate world?”

I still remember the constant dialogue I had with God after I recovered. I was really seeking for a direction from God. And there came an overseas business opportunity. Based on logical thinking, it is totally illogical for me to say ‘yes’ to the venture. But, I exercised faith, I took action, got out from my comfort zone, flew over and had a look anyway. And I flew over several times while seeking a confirmation. It was through the several ventures and several events that took place that got me convicted that this is what I am supposed to do.

In this case, God provided me the opportunity as my faith has believed, but I still need to take actions to get out from my comfort zone and ‘walk’ my faith and finally know that this IS what God had provided for me.

In many occasions, I meet some that are in situations where they can help themselves but maybe plagued by the thinking that ‘God will provide” and just sit and do nothing about the situations. God will provide by bringing the opportunities for us to take actions and we are supposed to do what we are supposed to do.

Go to the ant, O sluggard;
consider her ways, and be wise.
Without having any chief,
officer, or ruler,
she prepares her bread in summer
and gathers her food in harvest.
How long will you lie there, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come upon you like a robber,
and want like an armed man.

—Proverbs 6:6-11

"Wow, it has been 2 years???"

I tend to get a little excited when April month is approaching. 

And now, I find it very challenging to put my feelings into words but I will try.

I am joyful, contented, excited, privileged, motivated... In the end, I came down to one word - THANKFUL!

I am very thankful!!

2007 April 18 - the turning point of my life. A bleeding in the brain due to a birth defect and then a 9-hour brain surgery and most importantly experiencing something that I cannot fathom - the supernatural healing of the Creator.

"2 years. What have I done with the new lease of time that I have? What have I done for God? Did I use my time and my life the way God wants me to?" I kept questioning myself.

If I were to find a title for my 2-year journey, I will call it "The Adventure". It is like Alice in the Wonderland! I simply allow God to lead me. Of course, there are bumpy roads here and there in this 2-year adventure but having God at my side is more than enough. For once, I live by faith (or I hope). :)

I remember 2 years ago, the surgery was like a very heavy downpour which washed a place so clean that even the air felt refreshing! It is as if there is a renewal of the mind. All things about how I want to live my life become plain straight forward.

When my neurologist asked me to go home and think about my new priorities in life after I was permitted to return home from hospital, I already had my answers, it was very clear to me - Faith, Family, Friends. (And now, allow me to add two more, FOOD (Guess this explains the 8kg that I pile on!) and FASHION (It is alright, I need not wear size S all the time.)!!

My Faith

Having the honor and the privilege to "sherpherd sheep". I never feel ready for this role and this is the last ministry I see myself getting into! But I was more willing than anything. So I said YES when the opportunity came. And I am thankful for the opportunity to serve.

I am always very thrilled when there are 'new additions' to the team of sheep. I am thankful that my own sister and brother-in-law came to accept Jesus. God is really good. 

To God be the glory! I pray that God help me to be a good sherpherd.

My Family

Taking my mum for a movie with YW makes our day.

Check out that pack of popcorn (YW says the weekly popcorn intake is now at my waistline.).

Having a Valentine Day's date with YW's grandmother was 'romantic' in its own way for YW and I.

And spending lots of precious time with loved ones. They are the people who just drop everything on hand and rush to the hospital bed during critical time.

I am thankful for my family.

My Friends

I am thankful for many wonderful friends that I have!

Of course, my chinchilla Yong Yong!! Yong Yong is a great pal, always listens and only listens (Chinchilla can't talk by the way! Ha!) 

But Yong Yong's silent presence is significant especially when there is only me and him in the house most of the time.

At the same time, I have the chance to make so many great friends from different part of the world.

FOOD!

I remember my uncle told me after my surgery that every piece of food that I put into the mouth will never taste the same again because I will appreciate it even more. I agree totally.

I am unleashing my taste bud to taste many different kinds of food that is heavenly made.

Yum Yum and I am thankful.

(Oops, please do not be misled by the limited variety shown in the picture. I do take vegetables too!)

FASHION

Call it vain, but I just enjoy fashion. I collect fashion magazines as I find some of them are very artistically made. The photos, the clothes, the makeup, the setting when put together is an art piece itself. 

I am thankful that I get to enjoy fashion and not hospital robes.

And sometimes, I get to see some mini fashion show too!

I am thankful.

My Bonus

I am not referring to company bonus.

Many things in life are a bonus to me.

I can think, I can see, I can speak, I can move freely! I can host!!

Hosting for my beloved younger brother's wedding banquet.

And hosting for many business functions.

Never too late to learn new skill!

I can't believe I started to play cooking game, the real thing, not the DS game!

I told YW that I can use a stainless steel cookware and cook onion egg without having to stir it (Simply put in the onions and then the egg and just leave them alone in the pan, let technology do all the work!) The whole piece of onion egg came out very nice like a piece of pancake AND without sticking to the pan. Washing the pan becomes very easy too! (Hallelujah! With science and technology I can cook too!)

Of course, YW doesn't believe me.

And so, I have to take a picture of my dish as an evidence.

I must admit I have been very clumsy in the kitchen but I am enjoying myself so much!!

My Reward

AND to celebrate my 2-year adventure, (and yes old habit dies hard), I color my hair! (Finally!! After 2 years!!!) I know I am not supposed to for the health of the scalp but the whole process was very safe, the chemical did not touch the scalp. I am just highlighting my hair!

I am very thankful!

God, thank You for everything.